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Writer's pictureJohnny Frederick

NO MATTER WHAT


A cute pink elephant arms wide to greet you
Donā€™t Think of Pink Elephants ā€” Image from PublicDomainImages.net

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In 12-Step recovery, you may hear someone say, ā€œI belong to the ā€˜No Matter What Club!ā€™

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What they mean when they say that is that they donā€™t do Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā  Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā  Ā (whatever their addictive substance or behavior or pattern is), no matter what.

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No matter what life brings, they abstain... for an hour, for a minute, for a day.

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In those early days of recovery, what weā€™re trying to do is not do something ā€“ to avoid a drug, a cigarette, a half-gallon of ice cream, a scratch-off ticket or some other addictive behavior that causes us trouble.

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A necessary stage on the journey toward the light, the first thing we must do is flee the darkness. In the beginning, itā€™s all about resisting, escaping, fighting our way out of whatever dark hole weā€™ve dug for ourselves.

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In recovery they say that, when you find yourself in a deep hole, the first thing you must do is stop digging! Sounds logical. Belonging to the ā€œNo Matter What Clubā€ isnā€™t easy.

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And you would be surprised at how many people (me! maybe you?) refuse to acknowledge that we are even in a hole.

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Or, if we see the hole, we swear that itā€™s not our fault. My spouse, my boss, politicians, the economy, God, etc. are the problem. Itā€™s their fault Iā€™m in this situation.

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The problem gambler throws good money after bad, in the fantasy that their fortunes will turn around. The food/drug/sex addict has an uncomfortable feeling, and habitually turns to their addiction in the vain hope that this time they will find relief ā€“ permanent relief.

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While the concept of ā€œno matter whatā€ is a necessary beginning, it also approaches spiritual growth through a negative lens. Itā€™s a very effective way to start for someone new to recovery, but it is an unsustainable strategy for a lifetime.

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Eventually, not doing something becomes a joyless grind. And, paradoxically, focusing on what we donā€™t want sooner or later makes the craving stronger.

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Itā€™s the old game: Donā€™t think of a pink elephant.

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Whatā€™s in your head in the millisecond after you read that sentence?

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A pink elephant.

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The process of learning how to live a spiritually based life is about much more than avoidance. Itā€™s about abundance, prosperity, service to othersā€¦ It is about being happy, joyous and free.

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It quickly should become less about fleeing the darkness and much more about heading toward the light.

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So, a way to reframe ā€œno matter whatā€ is to say, ā€œno matter whatā€¦.ā€ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā  Ā And fill in the blank with a positive action, a positive affirmation.

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No matter what,

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I will be happy, joyous, and free.

I will help others.

I will do my best.

I will smile.

I will give away what was freely given to me.

I will take care of myself, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

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No matter what, I will strive to be happy, joyous, and free.

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But of course, life happens. Dogs die. Cars break down. Bad weather spoils plans, or floods basements. Partners leave. Checks bounce. Kids disobey.

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In recovery, slips can happen and weā€™re back in the hole again.

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An old recovery trope is, The Hole In The Sidewalk by Portia Nelson.

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Titled, Autobiography in Short Five Chapters, it describes the stages of growth and change with beautiful simplicity, and goes something like this:

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Autobiography in Five Short Chapters


I

I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalkI fall in. I am lost ā€¦ I am helpless. It isnā€™t my fault. It takes me forever to find a way out.


II

I walk down the same street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I pretend I donā€™t see it. I fall in again. I canā€™t believe I am in the same place but, it isnā€™t my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.


III

I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in ā€¦ itā€™s a habit. My eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.


IV

I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.


V

I walk down another street.

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The moral, of course, is we get better over time. In recovery we often say, life doesnā€™t get better, but we get better.

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And the amazing beauty of the process is that, as we get better life does get better too. (See my recent blog post, Perception is a Mirror) When our insides change for the better, everything and everyone around us miraculously changes for the better too.

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So, no matter what, today is going to be a good day. A day of promise, of joyous surprises, of beauty, or small gifts and great moments. A day of hope. A day of excellence.

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No matter whatā€¦.

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Happy Sunday,

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Johnny

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I am available to do I Ching readings, dream interpretation, Prosperity Now! individual or group sessions or general life-coaching, or join us for our weekly Wednesday Course in Miracles group.

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Or sign up on my website: http://www.johnafrederick.com

Or on my Substack: Paris and Prosperity Now!

Or on my YouTube channel: @johnnyfrederick01

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