OMG! “High Anxiety” is the title for today’s blog post. It just came to me while I was meditating this morning.
I don’t meditate enough. But does anybody?
I mean, who has the time, ammirite?
Actually (and I do not practice what I’m about to preach, by any means) meditation is important, more important than most other human activities.
It is said:
You should meditate 20 minutes a day.
Unless you’re very busy and don’t have the time.
Then in that case, you should meditate 40 minutes a day.
But back to, High Anxiety.
As a human being – and maybe you can relate – I have feelings.
Also, as a human being (anyone else?) I don’t like feelings. I don’t understand feelings. I don’t want feelings.
Oh, don’t get me wrong. Some feelings are okay – joy being top of the list, in keeping with my life-motto Vivez joyeau (Live joyously).
I don’t get nearly enough joy – or more accurately, I should say, I don’t generate nearly enough joy.
Happiness, contentment, ease – those feelings are all welcome. Feelings of pride, gratitude and optimism, them I can handle.
But the heavy ones. I’ll take a pass!
Anger and rage. Irritation and frustration. Annoyance and tenseness. Sadness and uncertainty. Unwelcome visitors, which often overstay their welcome.
I love the 13th century Sufi poet Rumi, but have a hard time with this poem of his:
“This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes As an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still treat each guest honourably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.”
Welcome? Entertain them all? “The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing….” ??
That is a tall order for me. And besides, I generally go through life, not feeling, avoiding feelings, or just being too busy/occupied/distracted/asleep – unaware that I am feeling anything.
That’s a recipe for, at best, a life half lived.
But back to meditation.
It is usually (only) when I sit quiet that I can get in touch with what I am feeling. Busy during the day, or distracted with friends, entertainment, chores, work, etc. I do not notice what I am feeling.
Exactly what I am feeling.
It’s only when I sit quietly and let “[your] mud settle so that your water runs clear” (Tao poem #15) that I can begin to feel.
The Sages of old were profound and knew the ways of subtlety and discernment. Their wisdom is beyond our comprehension. Because their knowledge was so far superior I can only give a poor description.
They were careful as someone crossing an frozen stream in winter. Alert as if surrounded on all sides by the enemy. Courteous as a guest. Fluid as melting ice. Whole as an uncarved block of wood. Receptive as a valley. Turbid as muddied water.
Who can be still until their mud settles and the water is cleared by itself? Can you remain tranquil until right action occurs by itself?
The Master doesn’t seek fulfillment. For only those who are not full are able to be used which brings the feeling of completeness.
Tao Poem #15 Translation by (JH McDonald)
The myriad of feelings can be thought of as “mud” when they are all mixed up and muddled. They need be allowed to settle, so that the Light of Spirit can shine through. Certainly, when mud is stirred up, everything is murky, cloudy and obscure.
Water accepts whatever we put into it. Put sugar into water, you have sugar water. Put salt in and you have salt water. Put s**t into it and you have s**tty water.
Meditation allows the (whatever) to stop swirling and whirling around and settle gently and quietly to the bottom, where it can be identified. Once it is settled, our Spirit – our thinking, our life, our aura – is clarified and the Light can shine through.
I am having high anxiety today, which I kinda knew I was having – have been having for days – but wasn’t present to, wasn’t entirely conscious of – because I have been “too busy” to really identify it, sit with it, feel it, and let it settle down.
Feel, deal and heal is the cutesy New Age-y therapy way of saying the same thing.
I’m leaving home in a few days and traveling back to the United States. I am traveling on an unfamiliar train to an unfamiliar city – with dogs and luggage in tow, and all my mind can conjure is all the things that can (and will) go wrong.
That’s normal. Who wouldn’t be all balled up with anxiety, ammirite?
But I really wasn’t in touch with the anxiety, and how intense it really is, until I spent 15-20 minutes in meditation.
While anxiety is a perfectly natural (aka human) reaction to traveling to unfamiliar territory, it’s important to be conscious of what we’re feeling.
It’s important to live consciously.
One revelation from my early days of recovery and therapy was discovering the range of human emotions. OMG! There are so many.
Many people have seen those face charts that people use to identify what they’re feeling. I had one on my refrigerator in those early days.
Who knew there were so many and varied too. Nuanced.
What’s the difference between anger and rage? Between happiness and joy? Between envy and jealousy? There are differences!
Being able to refine our emotions is like being able to distinguish subtle differences in perfumes or colors. We have a higher sensitivity and sophistication.
We are more fully human, more fully alive, and more fully in touch with Spirit!
All of this comes under a handy label: Emotional Literacy or Emotional Intelligence.
Claude Steiner, founder and practitioner of a new approach to psychotherapy, called Radical Psychiatry wrote:
"Emotional literacy is made up of the ability to understand your emotions, the ability to listen to others and empathise with their emotions, and the ability to express emotions productively.
To be emotionally literate is to be able to handle emotions in a way that improves your personal power and improves the quality of life around you. Emotional literacy improves relationships, creates loving possibilities between people, makes co-operative work possible, and facilitates the feeling of community."
So, meditating helped me get in touch with my feelings, and to realize how much High Anxiety I was feeling.
Blogging about it – or journaling about it – is an excellent way to get greater insight into the feelings, the process and to fully honor the feelings – Rumi’s guests – greeting each one and even (Gasp!) welcoming them.
As we grow in emotional intelligence, we are better able to handle life – our inner life and our outer life – and then we have an easier journey, on unfamiliar trains to unfamiliar cities, with dogs and baggage in tow.
Happy Sunday!
Johnny
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